Spiders and chickens and monkeys oh my!!!

 

Having such a strong dislike for Kuta Bali and its overzealousness I decided to leave early.  So after contacting my couch surfing host, Lena, to see if it was ok for me to come a day earlier than planned (and receiving a wonderfully welcoming yes!), I hopped on the back of a scooter with my oversized backpack and head straight for what would turn out to be my paradise, Ubud.

Finding Lena’s jungle hideaway was a bit of a feat, but once I did, all of the twists and turns were worth it.  She lives in a small house surrounded by jungle, and her one neighbour.  Her house is full of natural light, colourful paintings, and a very relaxed energy.  Her neighbour has a dog who is as friendly as a new born kitten, but who’s bark would deter a stranger from entering their property, which is of great comfort in the jungle. 

 

Lena also has many pets.  Not the kind of pets I’m used to having mind you, and they’re not quite invited to be part of her family either…I guess living in the jungle means you build a tolerance to unwelcome, six legged, eight legged, four legged, and even two legged guests.  I’m sure you can guess at this point what some of these “pets” may be, but here is the short list.  There is a resident giant toad…and when I say giant I mean fucking giant…like it could gnaw on my head like a lollipop while I’m sleeping (thank god they don’t have teeth).  There are millions of mosquitoes, also known as little malaria carrying bastards…and I mean that in the most loving way possible.  There are teeny green geckos everywhere, and yes they are cute, until they start shitting on your head cause they’re chilling out on the ceiling, then they are no longer cute, they are the enemy and they must die. 

There are spiders in every colour, shape, and size.  Some even have legs missing, which just shows how indestructible these little fuckers are.  To add to their indestructibility, they are not scared of humans, in fact I think they have fun with us.  They take great pleasure in seeing us scream, throw some inane object at them, missing in a huge way (due to panic of course), and consequently jumping up and down on the spot (again in panic), and finally running out of the room in horror.  Think about it.  If you were an inch tall and some giant 60 times your size does a ridiculous dance after throwing a giant object at you and missing by a long shot and then runs away screaming like a little girl, you would shit your pants laughing. 

 

The most unwelcome guest is a two legged spawn of Satan sent to destroy my ear drums and more importantly my sleep.  These creatures look like the devil, sound like the devil, and I’m sure even breathe fire I just haven’t caught them in the act yet.  What are these heinous creations you ask?  Chickens.  Ugly, filthy, ear destroying, life draining, devils in disguise.  Chickens are one million times more delicious to me now, I now savour every bite and delight in the fact that there is one less chicken in the jungle to wake me up at 5am.  (To add to this picture I’m also sleeping on the floor with all of these creatures, becoming one with the jungle, turning into a true blue Jane minus Tarzan). 

(AND to add insult to injury, the little fuckers are too fast to get a good picture of their evil ways).

Furthering my Jane status, there is a forest in Ubud called Monkey Forest, and true to its name it is full of little monkeys running about.  I took a long stroll through the forest and strangely felt at home with these creatures.  I really had to refrain myself from climbing the trees along side them, and for two very different reasons.  Reason 1, I would get thrown out of the forest for indecent behaviour,  Reason 2, I feared the monkeys would begin to think I am one of them and try to cop a feel.  I say this because never before have I seen so much sexual activity in one day.  They are certainly not shy about their sexual needs, females rubbing each other casually, males approaching the women and seemingly not saying more then a “hello” going in for the kill.  It was both hilarious and disgusting.

 

     

My time in Ubud is proving to be a very natural one.  Animals everywhere, surrounded by jungles, forests, and rice fields, and bites, bumps, and bruises to show for it.