Teaching Moment - Sometimes we find teachers in the most unexpected places. Who surprised you as a teacher this year, and what did you learn?
We certainly do find teachers in the most unexpected places. This may sound ignorant, but I never thought that I would consider a person with little to no education as a teacher. However, late in 2010 I met a person who very quickly became a teacher to me in so many ways, which continued long into 2011.
When describing him to people I would often say that he was incredibly wise, peaceful, and happy. That although he was younger than myself and has little education, that he taught me a great deal about myself, about love, and about life.
This person is Hermansah. The man I met and fell instantly in love with while traveling in Indonesia. I had never experienced this before. Never felt instantly connected to another person. Never felt drawn to another person despite my better judgement. But there I was, falling in love at first sight with a man three years my junior, whose home is quite literally on the other side of the world to my home, who has no formal education past high school, who has a job that pays him the equivalent of $80 a month, and who has never left his small island.
There were so many impossibilities right from the start.
But there was no way to turn away from this love without giving it a fair shot.
We were together for an amazing month from the start, and me being as honest as usual about my apprehension about our relationship, he quickly put my worries to rest saying, "follow your heart".
I left Indonesia to continue my travels as planned. While traveling I grew to know very quickly that my heart was still in Indonesia despite my body and my mind being in whatever country I was in at that moment. With my strict budget, there was no room for doubling back to a country I had already been to and that required a flight, but in keeping with Hermansah's teachings I threw caution to the wind, "followed my heart", and said a big old Eff You to my budget, spontaneously booking a flight back to Indonesia.
We spent last Christmas and New Years together, and decided we didn't want to be apart again so we decided to travel together, Hermansah leaving his country for the first time.
We traveled through Vietnam, Laos, and Thailand together before parting ways once again where I went to India for 3 months, and Hermansah went back home to Indonesia.
While apart we spoke over the phone as much as humanly possible, sending messages on facebook as often as we could, and sending our love across the ocean.
I had planned to go back to Indonesia after India, but while in India I got some big news...my big sister was pregnant. It honestly was bittersweet. On one side I was so happy for her, and excited to finally become an aunt (it was a long time coming), but on the other side it meant that I would need to go home to Canada and hold off on Indonesia.
Having been away from Canada for 2 years already at that point, I made the difficult decision to head home, arriving back in Canada in May 2011. Once home Hermansah and I continued skyping and messaging on facebook whenever possible, and we began the long process to get a tourist visa for him to come visit Canada and meet my family. We finally heard back from the Canadian Embassy in September. Hermansah was declined his tourist visa. We were both devastated, disappointed, and defeated. Initially, I began getting things organized to reapply. I purchased land in Indonesia so that he would have more "ties" to his country. He enrolled in school for a 2012 start to add another reason why he would need to go back to Indonesia since the Canadian government doesn't deem family as reason enough.
Soon I started to grow very stressed and tired with the whole process. I started to realize that if it was this difficult to get him a tourist visa, imagine the difficulty in getting a resident visa if thats what we wanted to do down the road. After my niece, Rayah, was born on September 23rd, I fell in love with her at first sight. For the second time in my life, I felt instantly connected to another being, albeit in a much different way than with Hermansah, but nonetheless it was there.
I realized even more at this point that it was unlikely I would relocate permanently to Indonesia. I knew I would definitely be up to living abroad again for a year or two, but not likely permanently. This lead me to a very heartbreaking decision. One which I will perhaps never know if it was the "right" decision, but one that needed to be made at that moment. We still speak occasionally, I still think of him, I still miss his presence in my life, but all i can do at this point is focus on my present moment and not worry about the past or the future for that matter.
In our 11 month relationship, Hermansah never stopped teaching me. The biggest lesson was that he taught me to love wholeheartedly, without discrimination, without investigation. He taught we to not dwell on the past, just keep moving forward, following my heart at all times and with every action. Hermansah taught me to be patient with myself, and others. He taught me to be patient with life. I had never met anyone who could calm me when stressed with so little as a smile and a gentle touch. Hermansah taught me to cherish my family. His respect and love for his mother bringing him into this world especially amazed me. His simultaneous strength and sensitivity showed me that I too can be strong despite my very active tear ducts. I can't even put into words how much this one man taught me. I will forever cherish our story close to my heart.
Aku Cinta Kamu Selalu
