Day 4: Addition Through Subtraction - What have you let go of this year and how has it affected you?
2011 has been a year of change, and naturally has meant a lot of addition and subtraction to my life. I have let go of the nomadic lifestyle I had for so long, I have let go of friendships and relationships, I have let go of some of my dreams, but I have also embraced new friendships and relationships, and created new hopes and dreams.
The biggest thing I let go of this year was love. I was massively in love, but sadly geography, among other things, made it a huge source of stress for me, and ultimately all of the impossibilities of it brought it to an end. It has affected me in many ways. The decision was not come to lightly, it involved a lot of soul searching. I found out where a lot of my limits are, and I think most importantly I learned a lot about love and life. It was definitely the hardest decision I have ever had to make, and took a lot out of me, but thankfully a lot of positive things have come from making that decision.
**I began writing this post last night after receiving the prompt, and remaining constant with my year of change, today was another day of change and one which requires letting go. Ridiculous that this prompt was for this day!
So today I went to have lunch with and spend the whole day with a guy I have been seeing and instead of going hiking, cooking dinner together, and watching a movie as planned, he broke up with me. He was one of the "positive things" I was referring to that had come from my decision to end my last relationship, and now that too has come to an end and I have to begin the process of letting go once again.
We were not together for a long time, in fact it was a short time, but I don't buy into the timelines that a lot of people tend to place on relationships. I follow my heart, and I feel the energy and the connection that I have with a person and pay little attention to the length of time we are together. Perhaps that was the problem. Perhaps that scares men. Perhaps it was the timing. Perhaps I'll never know what it was.
What I do know is that I felt a tremendous connection with this person. We had a great energy and chemistry. We were a great fit, had amazing conversation, had similar desires for our lives, and I felt like things were perfectly aligned. His words, actions, eyes, and touch said that he cared for me, said that he felt the same way I did, said that he saw the potential of a future, but ultimately whether his actions were true, or whether his actions were not true, I am still faced with letting go of those feelings, hopes, shared dreams, amazing conversation, unforgettable kisses, and strong connection. I have no choice in the matter, as one often doesn't after being dumped, I just have to let go.
It sucks, it hurts, its surprising, but no matter how wrong it may feel, or how much of an idiot I think he is for calling it a day so soon, I have to pick myself up, and just continue moving forward (as much as the thought of going through this again makes me want to poke my eyes out with a rusty fork).
So as 2011 draws to a close, I definitely didn't expect to be "letting go" of something else, but here it is, here I am, and here I go.
Ps. Isn't there some sort of unwritten rule about no breakups allowed in December?!
**I began writing this post last night after receiving the prompt, and remaining constant with my year of change, today was another day of change and one which requires letting go. Ridiculous that this prompt was for this day!
So today I went to have lunch with and spend the whole day with a guy I have been seeing and instead of going hiking, cooking dinner together, and watching a movie as planned, he broke up with me. He was one of the "positive things" I was referring to that had come from my decision to end my last relationship, and now that too has come to an end and I have to begin the process of letting go once again.
We were not together for a long time, in fact it was a short time, but I don't buy into the timelines that a lot of people tend to place on relationships. I follow my heart, and I feel the energy and the connection that I have with a person and pay little attention to the length of time we are together. Perhaps that was the problem. Perhaps that scares men. Perhaps it was the timing. Perhaps I'll never know what it was.
What I do know is that I felt a tremendous connection with this person. We had a great energy and chemistry. We were a great fit, had amazing conversation, had similar desires for our lives, and I felt like things were perfectly aligned. His words, actions, eyes, and touch said that he cared for me, said that he felt the same way I did, said that he saw the potential of a future, but ultimately whether his actions were true, or whether his actions were not true, I am still faced with letting go of those feelings, hopes, shared dreams, amazing conversation, unforgettable kisses, and strong connection. I have no choice in the matter, as one often doesn't after being dumped, I just have to let go.
It sucks, it hurts, its surprising, but no matter how wrong it may feel, or how much of an idiot I think he is for calling it a day so soon, I have to pick myself up, and just continue moving forward (as much as the thought of going through this again makes me want to poke my eyes out with a rusty fork).
So as 2011 draws to a close, I definitely didn't expect to be "letting go" of something else, but here it is, here I am, and here I go.
Ps. Isn't there some sort of unwritten rule about no breakups allowed in December?!
Yes! it should be illegal to end a relationship so close to Christmas and New Year! Outrageous behaviour, innit? But I'm glad you're moving on and living life with a smile on your face. :) You go, Meaggie.
ReplyDelete